Disconnected.

Today I have not felt like Cassandra, but just a compilation of fucked up racing thoughts running through a lonely reject's head. The struggle has been all too real. But I did not use. I am home safe, emotional as fuck, but I am sober. I hope this gets easier soon.

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Midday Madness.

Okay, so, I was originally planning on only using this blog when I felt compelled to write something of value that flowed well. However, in the midst of my afternoon work, I currently feel compelled to document my thoughts in a different tone. I am not confined to my dark mind. I am more than …

Happiness.

It's the small things. Hours will bad, some days horrendous. But that does not mean we must feel, think and be horrendous, too. I am alive today. And well, I must add. Once suicide is no longer an option...not just when you're at your low, but all-around, extinct from thought...life begins to blossom around you. …

Nightmare.

Six years ago today I saw Avenged Sevenfold for the first time. They were on their Nightmare tour; I went with my brew. I managed to dive on top of, and successfully got, Syn and Johnny Christs' custom strumming picks that they tossed into the crowd at the end of the show. I had never felt more …

Running thin.

I detest how quickly I can transform from good to not good. From calm to miserable, in the blink of an eye. How long was I out for? Fifteen years. I feel weak tonight. Weak, like I can't grasp that I can't go back to 30030. To see you, and our boy. Weak like I …

Vibrance.

As I sat longer I began to sink. Deep into the loveseat that I first held my nephew on, I could no longer feel my face. The support that once held my back straight was now melting into my flesh. Luckily, the shade of red made it easy to manipulate my mind into believing there …

Deja vu.

When my head is so empty and my mind so dull; my body takes on like a zombie. I move robotically from room to room in search of something. With wandering eyes closely examining for the answer, I find it. The emptiness acts like a force field, shielding out any second thoughts. I know I …